Monday, January 31, 2005


Celtics vs. Rockets (L 94-97)

A kinda-heartbreaker, the Rockets were on the verge of complete implosion in the 3rd after we came back big from a 9 point half-time deficit, but Pierce got into foul trouble and this bitch went down to the wire. Too bad - Ricky was on fire in the 4th, scoring 17 of his 24, Perk had another solid (if brief) outing, and Pierce continued his streak of January games that don’t make me scream “trade that asshole” at the TV. Unfortunately it wasn’t enough to overcome a lethargic first half and about four minutes in the second half where we couldn’t find an answer for John Barry, aka - “the Barry brother without hair or game.”

On the plus side, Doc made good substitutions and seems to have abandoned the traditional end-of-the-first wholesale lineup change. Also, they twice came back from double digit deficits, no individual Celtic looked that bad, and none of the lineups were complete disasters. Even Blount had a decent game (if you ignore the fact that he only had 2 rebounds) - during the 3rd quarter he hustled, had a big block, and sunk that ungainly 18 footer at least four times in the Rockets faces. This led Tommy to unleash a sentence that has never been before uttered in the history of human language - “They’re playing right into Mark Blount’s game!” There, it's been said! And it never will again.

On the depressing side of things, however, they couldn’t get the running game going in the first half, they had no energy in the first quarter (odd, considering the fact that they were coming off a huge win against Chicago), and we got pounded again on the boards. Still, this wasn’t the kind of humiliating loss you’ll remember on your deathbed as your mind makes inventory of all the time you wasted watching bad basketball games on basic cable.

Despite the anticipation about seeing how the Celtics would respond on their home court after a big road win, many of us felt that this game would be marked primarily by the number of uncomfortable comments Tommy would make about Yao Ming‘s nationality. As always, the T-man didn’t disappoint. My two favorites: “He could be the emperor of Japan… I mean China. .. Or the whole orient.” and “He’s still thinking in Chinese.”

Player of the Game - John Barry for his 17 points on 7-8, all of which were key shots that killed our momentum. What the fuck is the deal with him, Rod Strickland, Juawan Howard, Mutumbo and David Wesley on the court at the same time? I felt like I was watching the 1996 all NBA 9th team.

Worst Celtic of the Game - Waltah, but he was only in there a tolerable 9 minutes. A hugely stupid turnover and an 0-4 are par for the McCarty course, but tonight he gets the booby prize purely for going with the 'fro insead of his “please-trade-me” cornrows.

Quote of the Night - “Ferrrurrreerrrry” - Willie Maye, attempting to pronounce “February” in a sideline report about Chinese New Year. It is only because this team is cursed and God hates all Celtics fans that we weren’t blessed with a Willie Maye, Yao Ming encounter. Even I would be thinking in Chinese after that scene.


PP Playing Better, But Still Sucks

I am back from my brief sabbatical during which I worked on my novel about a guy who gets very sick and is stuck in a house during the dead of winter with his equally sick wife and fever stricken 18 month old son. I had to scrap the project after realizing that the storyline closely matched that of another famous book, and that I actually hadn’t written much, just 500 pages of ALL THUMBS AND NO REBOUNDS MAKES BLOUNT A BAD CENTER.

I see Pierce has recently put on a relative happy face, relative to his usual scowl. Don’t be fooled. This has the distinct feeling of a guy trying to improve his trade stock so he can go to a winner. Even with this ‘improved attitude,’ he still comes up with quotes such as this gem:

``I'm not a rookie,'' he said. ``I'm a proven all-star."

He followed that up by saying all the right things about getting others involved. Too late prick, we’re on to you. In terms of his play, even I concede that he has been playing much better lately. But how low is the bar now for this proven all-star?

While shooting an admirable 44.5% this month, he’s still missing open shots, particularly from the arc where he’s a miserable 26% this month. That makes him 31% from three this year (an actual improvement in percentage than last year, when he had the green light from basically 40 feet). Consider that a number of those shots are wide-open in an offensive system that does not rely on the three. One could make the argument that PP’s miserable three point shooting the last couple of years stemmed from the coaching staff encouraging him to shot without conscience. What’s the excuse now?

Of NBA 2 guards (ESPN considers Paul a SG), PP ranks 18th in shooting this year. He is 43rd in shooting percentage from the three-point line this year. 43. There are 42 shooting guards who shoot the three better than the Celtic’s starting SG. On the bright side, PP is just out of the top ten in one statistical category - turnovers (13th, 3.0 a game).

So you see, even while playing generally well, Pierce still falls well short of what should be considered a ‘proven all-star.’

On to the positive. Even in my drug-induced state, I could barely contain my glee when Perk started knocking people around on Sat night. Of course, Perk cannot, and should not, foul for the sake of sending a message - but teams have been scoring with absolute impunity inside all fucking year. Look at our front line. Blount is barely alive, Big Al is all finesse, Raef and Gugs look like they help people with their taxes, and Walter is a stain on the entire Celtic organization. But Perk baby, Perk can knock you on your ass! It’s nice to see a little toughness inside, we need more of it.

Friday, January 28, 2005


Celtics vs. Suns (L 119-128)

First of all, what’s the deal with NBA opponents hugging each other after games? I saw Marcus Banks embrace Steve Nash tonight like they’d just been through 3 overtimes in an elimination playoff game. What‘d Nash say, “Hey great effort man, I swear, I got scared when you guys cut it to 12 with two minutes remaining.” Or maybe, simply, “who are you?”

Anyway, this was the to-be-expected slaughter and our heroes didn’t disappoint in the role of “12 helpless dupes who look like they just learned how to play basketball from a tape they bought off late-night TV.” The first half was a clinic from hell, but the third quarter saw the Suns half-ass it and the Celtics make a run to bring it into “kind of a real game” territory. Admittedly, I was on the phone for the most of the 3rd, trying to convince “the blonde girl from West Hartford” to let me off the phone so I could watch the rest of the game, but it really didn’t matter - the Suns weren’t going to lose this one with or without the TV on mute.

The Celtics couldn’t defend the break, or the perimeter or in the lane. We had no answer for Nash and resorted to bad outside shots (particularly in the first half) instead of going inside. We had no fast break to speak of, and went through large stretches where we didn‘t move the ball. We missed Big Al, but he probably wouldn’t have made much of a difference. Perk was terrific, Raef disappeared. “Going small” made a return appearance and accounted for a classic “far too little too late” run in the fourth that made the box score look more respectable than things really were. Delonte came in for some minutes in the 2nd half and did nothing particularly impressive. All in all, the night was a fitting tribute to the Waltah Bobble Head doll - lots of frenetic activity and wasted energy while being annihilated by a superior foe who doesn’t respect you. Good thing we activated for Justin Reed for “matchup reasons.”

Player of the Game - Quentin Richardson. Stoudemire had the points and Nash had the assists, but Q made the Celtics his bitch for the entire first half, squashing our momentum with devastating 3-pointers. The guy was hitting nothing but net from 28 feet out, I swear.

Worst Celtic of the Game - Blount. He unleashed the “I’ll lull you into complacency by watching you go to the rim repeatedly” defense on Stoudemire and made a couple fuck-ups in the lack-of-hustle department that had the crowd booing him like he was Ashley Simpson at an all day a-capella festival. Better invest some of that $8 million into a good therapist, Mark.

Quote of the Night - “So are the Suns as good as advertised?” Willie Maye - tossing the ultimate “no matter how badly you just got humiliated, I’m still paid by the home team” softball to Paul Pierce in the post-game FSN interview. I often wonder how much Willie gets paid for his “low man on the very short totem poll” gig, and how I can find similar employment.


Tools of the Trade

Lots to talk about with all the trade rumors, but first of all a big welcome back to PO and an apology to our readers for the lack of updates over the past couple days – I have been murderously busy dealing with those cretinous fucks at the AMA and PO has been sick.
Anyway, here’s a player-by-player look at the major names we’ve been hearing in trade talks with a prediction for their eventual fates.

Ricky Davis – that his name is being included in all these trade rumors seems to indicate that there must be off-the-court bullshit driving the decision to move him. Frankly, he’s done absolutely everything he’s been asked to do on the court and has probably been the most consistent Celtic at moving the ball and hitting open shots. Poor Buckets, he must be an absolute asshole who keeps the young guys out all night at the club, because on the court this guy is devastating.

Doom Prediction – He’ll be included with expiring contracts in the ONE big-ish trade the team pulls off (w/ Minnesota or the Clippers). Our second unit will crumble into dust and for the first time in his career Ricky Davis will be cheered by the home fans when he comes back into town with his new team.

Marcus Banks – the sooner he’s moved the better, and I think all but the most stubborn “we can’t give up on him like we did on Chauncey” fans are going to agree it has to be done. First of all, there is no comparison between Banks and Billups: Chauncey had ONE problem as a rookie – he left his feet too much without knowing whether to shoot or pass. He was solid otherwise, had a great jump shot, was a decent rebounder for his size and made good decisions in the half-court set. The only reason he was moved is because Rick Pitino is a complete fuckhead who thought a veteran point-guard (on the decline) would turn his ramshackle batch of UK alumni and NBA bottom-feeders into the ‘87 Providence Friars. Banks, on the other hand, is a shoot-first, me-first, out of control prima donna who is prone to pouting and pissing off his teammates. Even his assists seem like labored attempts to get another statistic – there is none of the innate rhythm and flow in his passing game that even non-point guards like Pierce and Ricky seem to possess. Get over it people, the guy is a bust.

Doom Prediction – to the Lakers in the next two weeks where he will have a few monster games but ultimately erode away into a career back-up.

LaFrentz – virtually unmovable contract, so there’s really no way he goes unless it’s a big one with either Ricky or Pierce involved. However, I’ll say it now even though few agree with me – trading Raef would be a big mistake. This guy is a solid veteran who’s great in the locker room and very good at accepting whatever role is given to him on the team. Yes, he will eventually be supplanted by Big Al, but we still need what he gives us whether it’s off the bench or for 32 minutes a night. And as one of Pierce’s few real friends on the team, it’s all the more important to keep him around if Danny doesn’t pull the whole house down. His contract sucks, but guess what, there’s no one out there next year that we need or want or have a chance at signing.

Doom Prediction – survives the trading deadline.

Walter McCarty – My God, why can’t this have already happened? If I never have children my only hope for a legacy is the local “I hate Waltah” chapter I founded in 1997 in a valiant effort to remove the stain of this worthless Pitino-detritus from Celtics history. Please don’t let me go down as a failure, Lord, let him be moved for a second round pick to a Western Conference team that I only have to watch twice a year.

Doom Prediction – God proves his disdain for Dr. Chestnutt and Waltah stays, eventually moving into the starting lineup and signing a 10-year extension in the off-season.

Gary Payton – Obviously he’s gone, it’s only a matter of when, where and who with. Look for a package of him, Davis and Stewart’s contract to Minnesota or the Clippers, or a solo trade to Dallas or Golden State. No one is giving up much more than a late first-rounder for GP, and even then I’d be surprised. Too bad, he made the best of a bad situation and really seemed to genuinely want to help this team. Celtics fans should remember GP warmly.

Doom Prediction – Traded to Golden State for a conditional first-rounder.

Mark Blount – the big question is how much Danny will sacrifice to make up for a mistake he could have easily avoided by simply not re-signing this dumb fuck. Blount’s only real vocal supporter in the league is Jim O’Brien, and every Celtic fan lusts for a trade that gives us Dalembert, and let’s OB have an orgasm every night while raving about Blount’s defensive rotations. It’s not going to happen, however, and here’s why – OB is on shaky ground in Philly. He has managed to piss off his players, confound management and lose, all at the same time. No way in hell Billy King coughs up one of the most promising young big men in the league for a dimwit stiff with a poisonous contract just to make their failing coach happier about his defensive sets.

Doom Prediction – sadly, this dipshit remains.

Pierce – The toughest one to figure out. He’s been very good lately, but as with Ricky there seems to be intangible shit going on that makes Danny want to move him. Doc clearly hates him, Ainge is nowhere near as vehement in his defense of him as he was last year, and Wyc seems to be the only person cheering him at home games anymore. While it’s become clear this year that Paul’s not made for a running game, I think this idea that we’ll be running all season (particularly in the playoffs) is a pipe dream, and at some point we’ll need a guy who’s used to grinding it out in the half court. If the guy could simply get back to hitting open jump shots like he did up until 2002, I wouldn’t trade him for anything. Unfortunately his inconsistency and attitude have put a big target on his back, but I don’t see any one or two players we could get for him that would magically put us in contention. So basically we’re fucked – with or without Pierce we’re looking at a five-year plan.

Doom Prediction – traded over the summer for picks and cap room.

As always, we welcome yr comments and disagreements.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005


Celtics at Bobcats (W 97-92)

After suffering through a horrific opening two minutes that was McCarty-ian in its ineptness, Paul Pierce recovered to lead the C’s to a 97-92 nail-biter over the expansion Bobcats. “Big fucking deal," one might say, “we beat an expansion franchise coached by the most unintelligible man in sport - Bernie Bickerstaff." But those cynics would miss the huge bright positive of this otherwise underwhelming victory - Doc actually got his head out of his ass and coached a decent game. “Impossible!” you say? Here’s the proof.

1) Walter McCarty DNP - I felt like handing out cigars or something. Coming on the heels of Doc’s comments in the paper about some guys having to get cut out of the rotation, this seems like a harbinger of my Walter-free dreams coming true.

2) A rational 10 man rotation - Blount goes out, Al comes in. Raef goes out, Perk comes in. None of this going small bullshit, no fear of having two big men on the floor at the same time, and no rec-league “everybody must play” crap. Unfortunately, Delonte was cut out too, but Marcus is bound to fuck up soon and we should have DW back leading the 2nd unit before the trading deadline.

So, although ending a road losing streak against the Bobcats is arguably the NBA equivalent of sleeping with the director in order to get cast in a porno movie, it‘s the game management stuff that should make us cautiously optimistic.

Player of the Game - Paul Pierce. PO is going to say I’m front-running, but Pierce has been solid in 05 and right now I wouldn’t trade him. Interestingly enough, it always seems that Paul’s monster games are either in losses or close wins against bad teams, but I’m too lazy to look it all up and make sense of it. An important side note to this award - Big Al deserves as much credit for winning the game with two big offensive rebounds and that completely sick shot against Okafor in the 4th..

Worst Celtic of the Game - tough call, no one really pissed me off tonight, but I guess it goes to Marcus Banks simply for existing and bumping Delonte out of the point guard rotation. See Marcus, you can’t ever win with me. Read the RealGM boards if you want fairness, you dick.

Quote of the Night - “..” - Danny Ainge. Yes, I am naming the absolute nothing Ainge said during his eight minute broadcasting stint as the quote of the night. Dozen(s) of viewers throughout New England sat dumbfounded as Ainge provided the most sullen, uninterested and completely distracted commentary ever provided during an NBA broadcast. It was as if he decided to become the exact opposite of charismatic and insightful. ie: Hey guess what, he thinks Perk and Tony Allen are playing well. He thinks Doc is doing a good job. He’s really proud of the veterans adjusting to playing with the young guys... For those who missed it, TiVo baby!

Sunday, January 23, 2005


Celtics at Hawks 1/22/05

A disturbing, stomach churning loss. This one was as sickening as that fat guy exfoliating his skin in the Mohegan Sun ad (key quote “the guys at Mickeys would really bake my scrod if they knew I was here”).

Ironically, this disaster started out promising with the long-overdue insertion of Tony Allen into the starting lineup, where he responded with a career high 20 points. This wasn’t some kind of lucky 20 either, it was big-boy real deal stuff. My sources tell me that Jiri Welsch was seen after the game phoning his agent and wiping nervous vomit off his lips in the locker room.

Similarly promising was the fact that Delonte West was the first Celtic point guard off the bench. If Marcus Banks has TiVo, he’ll start weeping when he hears Doc tell the world in the pre-game interview that Delonte is the “best Celtics defender at the point.“ That, coupled with Delonte’s 5 minute ass-kicking the night before should have spelled the end of the Marcus Banks era in Boston, but unfortunately when Delonte got in the game, he pressed, tried to do too much, and was yanked after 5 minutes. Banks was decent, if uninspired, but at least seemed to remember that point guards are supposed to pass the ball. This drama would have come to a quick conclusion had Delonte played well, but now it looks like we’re going to have the same miserable log-jam at point that we have at the 2/3, and that spells doom for a cohesive offense with Payton off the floor.

Anyway, the game - we had a 17 point lead on these morons and managed to blow it. We built the lead with Perk and Al on the floor, so of course Doc had to limit their minutes in the 2nd half. Same story as the last game - Waltah comes in, the lineups get weird, everything gets fucked up, and the game slips slowly out of our fingers. I am convinced that Doc makes the worst substitutions of any coach I’ve ever seen besides John Carroll, who was simply the worst coach ever to get an NBA paycheck.

Other factors - Payton looked tired and missed a lot of open shots. More of this “going small” idiocy with the wrong players (namely Waltah and I hate to say it, Jiri). Hey Doc! It works when it means you have your best guys on the floor - Pierce, Ricky, Big Al, Payton and Tony Allen. These guys, along with Raef, Perk and West, are the only Celtics that should be getting regular minutes. And guess what, that’s a solid 8-man rotation, just like normal teams use!

Anyway, Raef played really well. Pierce wasn’t awful. Tony Allen was incredible so he probably won’t get off the bench next game.

Player of the Game - Antoine. He hit that 3 that crippled us at the end. Rest assured, if we get him back he will never hit shots like this for us.

Worst Celtic of the Game - Doc Rivers. The game was thrown away because the team lost focus and they had terrible lineups on the floor at key points in the game (Jiri/Ricky/Perkins/McCarty/West ?!!!). Doc has either lost them or they were never there. The guys at Mickeys should be baking his scrod.

Quote of the Night - “This is an NBA-TV game, we’re supposed to at least resemble something impartial.” - Mike Gorman, the great unsung hero of Celtics broadcasts. The man used to fly for the Navy yet somehow wound up with the task of propping up an NBA quasi-legend who is more concerned with being the next Johnny Most than he is with providing a coherent broadcast. Imagine what these games would be like without him.

Friday, January 21, 2005


Important Stretch for Atlantic Pretenders

As the utterly embarrassing Atlantic Division heads into what could be an important end of January, I thought I would write a semi-positive post regarding our beloved, yet flawed, team’s good chances over this period.

Before I do that, though, let me first state that I believe the eventual Celtic push to a potential division title will hurt the team in the long run. Those in the media, as well as those idiot fans who post in other blogs (I’m looking your way Hackrid), will have the ill-conceived notion that our team is good. To quote the good Dr. (Chestnutt, not Rivers), we are painfully mediocre. That fact does not change if we win a division with equally, or slightly more, mediocre teams. My fear is that Danny may hesitate in making the moves necessary to set up the Cs for the long run.

O.K. – I promised semi-positive.

The Celtics are set up over the next five to not only take first in the division, but also distance themselves a bit from the other pretenders. Our (non) road warriors have three eminently winnable road games against a bad, Jeffersonless, NJ team, followed by two of the three worst teams in the entire league, At & Cha. With confidence brimming from a five game winning streak, the Cs then host the Pacers and Suns. I will be very disappointed with a record less than 4-1 over that stretch (with 5-0 a possibility the way we’re playing at home). I will be downright pissed if they loss any of the next three.

Prediction – Celtics, 4-1

Over that same period, the OB led 76’s, currently tied for first, have four road games (Orl, Wash, NO and Dal) with a home game against Wade and the Heat. Look for the confused look on the faces of the Sixers as their coach indiscriminately doles out minutes. An optimistic Philly fan, if one exists, could hope for a 2-3 record over that time.

Prediction – 76’s, 2-3

A reeling Knick team, losers of four in a row, has five relatively tough games ahead (Hou, Mil, Pho, Cle, @ Det).

Prediction – NY, 1-4 and the All-Time Leader in coaching losses loses again, this time his job.

Now, we need to watch out for the Raptors, who are playing great ball since shedding themselves of their pouting “star.” Hmmmmmmm. Two games against Cha, home against Pho and the Heat, and on the road against Wash. Donyell is playing for his next contract, Rose is playing to get out of Canada (who wouldn’t), MoPete is playing to prove he wasn’t Vince’s sidekick and Bosh is just playing well.

Prediction – Tor, 3-2

If all goes as I predicted, the Atlantic will look like this.

Celtics 22-21
76ers 20-23 2GB
Tor 20-23 2GB
NY 18-25 4GB

Under such a scenario, the division leader would actually have a record over .500. How’s that for positive!


PO Quotes of the Week

Huh? The same person said the following two quotes, about the same player, one day apart:

“And we tell him, you might play 10, you might play 25. Don't leave the game without using some of those fouls. But he's playing solid physical defense.''

`He just fouls way too much. He's a physical player, and he can be good. But he gets caught up in stuff with the other guys.”

I love when coaches are consistent, especially with young guys who need guidance.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005


Celtics vs Bulls 1/19/05

A quality win against a tough team, thankfully continuing the success of Doc’s “win at home” mantra. Pierce played so well that it makes reading my last post depressing - he hit key shots in the fourth quarter for the first time in what feels like forever, and pulled down 11 boards as our starting front line floundered yet again. Too bad very soon he’s going to be traded for next to nothing.

The story of the game however, was Al Jefferson and Kendrick Perkins. Our non-lottery 20 year olds came into the game and made Mark Blount look like an overpaid clown who would probably fuck up the job of passing out the Gatorade. Al had his offensive game ON, and Kendrick had 7 rebounds and 3 blocks in what seemed like forty seconds (15 minutes, actually). That hateful dick Tyson Chandler was outplayed by our big guys, and they pretty much owned the game when they were on the court together. Granted, this might only be physically possible when playing against a young team like the Bulls, but it makes you truly wonder what Doc is thinking when he keeps Perk off the floor.

stupid stat - 15 minutes into the game all 12 Celtics had already gotten on the floor. While this would be nice if it showed how deep the Celtics are, it’s actually a frustrating example of Doc’s inane substitution patterns. Waltah and Googs each got in the game before Perk. Thankfully that idiot McCarty committed two quick fouls and did not return. Throw his bobble head doll at him for me if you happen to be at the next game.

Also, I hope he doesn’t get in trouble, but Tommy once again proved the 3 drink minimum theory with a hugely weird reference to Hitler and fascism while talking about Kurt Heinrich. The uncomfortable feeling I had for poor Mike Gorman during those terrible 20 seconds is something I don’t want to feel again in this or any context.

Player of the Game: Pierce probably deserves it with his best game of the year, but we have no choice but to give it to Al Jefferson. 17 points 10 rebounds in 29 minutes of unstoppable yet completely controlled play. Fuck you Chad Ford!

Worst Celtic of the Game: Mark Blount - the man is stealing money. Not only did he fail to score or rebound in 22 minutes of play, he committed three turnovers, including a potentially key traveling violation in the last three minutes of the game. Congratulations Mark. Go back to barbequing in Miami and bitching about how the Celtics aren’t showing you loyalty, you dick.

Quote of the Night: “I feel much better than before” - Manute Bol. In a moment that seemed little more than a set-up for the epic abuse of the English language, Willie Maye conducted a surprisingly coherent interview with former University of Bridgeport iconn and current Dr. Chestnutt neighbor, Manute Bol. Probably the most noble soul to ever play in the league, it’s good to see our man Manute out of the hospital and doing well.


Off with his head… Pierce Trade Rumors Heat Up

It’s coming gang, whether you like it or not, PP will soon be out on his ass and we’ll probably be getting cap room and one of those marginal NBA “stars” who always looks better on someone else’s team (Darius Miles) in return. This trade is probably a year late in terms of getting maximum value, but the NBA salary structure and trade rules pretty much ensure that these days you can rarely pull off a classic screw job – the recent “Vince Carter for a boatload of expensive shit” move non-withstanding.

If Portland really is our trading partner, look for this to serve as little more than a salary dump and an excuse to open up PT for Ainge/Rivers favorites Jiri Welsch and Tony Allen. It will be a shame if we can’t ship out that shitty Blount contract in the process, but obviously that’s hoping for a lot.

If it goes down the way I’m describing, Ainge is going to get his ass handed to him by the media and the tattered remnants of CelticsNation, and even the most anti-Pierce among us will have to admit that it puts back the rebuilding effort at least two years. These will be dark times, full of grim moral “victories” along the lines of “we lost by 18 to the Wizards, but at least Kendrick Perkins looked more comfortable in the pick-and-roll.” Tony Allen will face “you’re the new Paul Pierce” pressure that could crush a submarine, and Gary Payton will weep himself to sleep every night while his agent contacts Dynamo Moscow to see if they’ll swing a trade.

On the other hand, we’re painfully mediocre and losing Pierce isn’t going to change that. It’s come time to ship out a guy who doesn’t want to be here, who’s resisting the shift to the running game, and most importantly – who doesn’t hit open shots anymore. The scariest part is that Ricky will be the default go-to-guy, and as much as we all love Buckets, we know he’s going to disintegrate in that role.

So again, it’s a tough move but one that has to be made. #17 is years away, but it would be even worse if we clung to the belief that Paul Pierce was getting us any closer.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005



Heard on one of NESN’s deplorable segments on the C’s this weekend, Antoine Walker answering an idiotic question about the possibility of rejoining the team he became a ‘veteran All-Star’ on, and how he would fit in:

“It depends on who we give up,” said employee number 8. We.

The man who gets an assist on fucking up Pierce’s head is already talking like he’s back in green. Then he adds this beauty:

“Anytime you put Paul and I on the same court, it’s dangerous.”

Dangerous for what, the rims? The only way a Walker trade works for the future of this organization is if it is for Pierce, and than the three-point loving power forward can go sign a veteran minimum somewhere else next year clearing cap and rotation room for Danny and Doc.
My thought on Ricky’s outburst and apology – let’s hope he didn’t learn Pierce’s art of saying the right thing while privately seething. Hey, you knew I’d find some way to rip Pierce.

Monday, January 17, 2005


Posting Fixed

I fixed the site template so now you can post on CelticsDoom with our new Haloscan setup that allows you to post anonymously with a cool handle of your choosing. Wow, just like a real blog.

Also, I reposted all of the old comments, preserving the wisdom but losing the time signatures in the process. That's why they all say they were posted at 8:something Monday night.

Thanks to everyone who's come by and shared their thoughts with us. We like hearing from people and we love aruging about the Celtics. So keep up with the great comments and remember, we don't care if you call us assholes, we already know we are...

CelticsDoom forever!


Celtics vs. Hawks - 1/14/05

Sorry for the lateness of this recap...

A must win and we came out strong, but a pretty tedious game to sit through. These Hawks should be put in a time capsule so future generations can understand how disjointed and unwatchable organized human sport can be when left in the hands of the lowest bidder. Al Harrington, I mean my God, what happened? Nonetheless, our heroes did a decent job and should be commended for sticking to Doc’s "Win at home or die" mantra and not letting down against these hapless jerks.

Paul had a great game on the boards, and outside of another on-court brush up with Jiri, did everything he had to do to keep me from bitching about him for a few days. Proving conclusively that Celtic players are reading CelticsDoom and obeying our every word, Buckets went for 30 (after I exhorted him to go for 50) and Waltah had five fouls in ten minutes (answering my charge that he protects himself from fouling out like some kind of me-first asshole).

A boring game, really, but some classic 3-drink minimum Tommy moments as he laid the praise on Antoine so thick that I swear it must have been some kind of conceptual comedy routine. Some examples: "Antoine can dribble better than 80% of the point guards in the league," "Antoine is made for up-tempo basketball," and "He’s one of the best offensive rebounders in years." The same kinds of people who think the X-Files is real will probably think that he’s setting us up for an Antoine Part II trade, but I think the man is simply sentimental and what’s wrong with that.

Player of the Game: Pierce or Ricky, Pierce or Ricky?… Alright, Pierce, just because we give him so much shit. He rebounded like a man, made some great drives, and played pretty much mistake free basketball in the fourth. More of this and PO will be forced to change his name… maybe TonyAllenOverrated?

Worst Celtic of the Game: Marcus Banks - had the strange distinction of doing absolutely nothing right in the first half, then padding his assist numbers late in the game just to piss me off. Hurry up Delonte.

Quote of the Night: "That’s a hot song," Willie Maye to Gavin DeGraw, the halftime entertainment and post game concert performer who is best known as "that guy on VH1 whose album I'll never buy." Waltah performed with him on-stage, apparently, which gives rise to several mean comments, none of which I will make here.

Friday, January 14, 2005


PO Obscure Stat of the Week

The Celtics are 9-12 when Paul Pierce is the leading scorer, 7-8 when he is not.


PO Obscure Thought of the Week

If your Celtic trade suggestion somehow doesn’t include Yogi’s expiring contract, I do not want to hear it. I wish Danny would extend that contract another year(s) so that we can throw it into any idiotic trade scenario to make it work. Yogi should not even go to games any more, they should just put a piece of paper that simply says $4.8 million and expires. I did a google search for “Stewart’s expiring contract,” and there were actually 7 results found. I will cry when yogi, and his famously expiring contract, leaves the Celtics.


Part 2, of, well, until he goes

Paul Pierce is going through a learning process with a new team and coach; give him time.

Without hyperbole, this may be the most asinine sentiment currently sold by the various defend-Pierce nitwits.

A player has to LEARN to hustle back on D. A player has to LEARN not to bellyache after every drive to the basket. A player has to LEARN that he can’t dribble through the entire opposing team.

This requires not a learning process, but a shift in attitude. The only thing Pierce had to learn was what his new coach expected from him. It’s been very clear from the start of the season what Doc wants in Pierce – play team ball. Stop the isolation, stop hucking up ill-advised shots after one pass, push the ball after a defensive stop, run on offence and on defense, pass the fucking ball.

Do you really think Paul Pierce, 27-year-old former All-Star, coached by Roy Williams, needs to LEARN the fundamentals of basketball?

He knows the right way to play; he needs to relearn what he already knows. He needs to forget the crap fed to him by OB, Walker and everyone else who has inflated his head over the years. The only way he can do that is to drop the deplorable attitude this jerk has carried over the last two and one half years.
Hopefully he can, and hopefully it will be with another team.

Thursday, January 13, 2005


Ka-Boom - Celtics vs Raptors 1/12/05

My God, what a disaster. The Celtics played with absolutely no cohesion on the offensive or defensive end and had an energy level so low that I think they must have all been jerking off in the locker room before the game. Unfortunately an oddly timed "Pierce can-actually-shoot-again" night was wasted, but he was also a big part of the blame when it came to the lack of ball movement. Lots and lots of one-on-one bullshit from Pierce, Davis and Banks.

Big Al was out of sync, but it’s great to see that a guy six months out of high school can have an off night without being a train wreck. Kendrick Perkins looked terrific in limited minutes - active and full of energy, making good things happen. I stand by my long-ago assessment that he’ll never be a starter in this league, but he’s got the makings of a GREAT role player. He deserves more than the 5 minutes he was given tonight.

Tony Allen must have made some kind of defensive rotation error, because his minutes were slashed. Doc in his press conference said he didn't have energy. Doc says a lot of things these days...

Mo Peterson’s career night was duly awarded with the first Tommy Award for an opposing player in over two years (I forgot who the last one was… probably Sam Cassell). Tommy gets a Chestnutt Point for giving credit where credit’s due.

Doc played useless Walter McCarty an inexplicable 20 minutes IN A ROW (!!!), so he gets a large share of the blame for the loss. Come on Doc, play the goddamn rookies. We are not winning anything with Waltah playing significant minutes.

Doom Player of the Game - Chris Bosh, 26/11. Peterson had the monster night, but Bosh sealed the deal by getting to the line in the fourth quarter.

Worst Celtic of the Game - Marcus Banks. 2 for 9, and lots of selfish, out of control play. Like the 2nd unit now? Just wait until Delonte West comes back and starts getting everyone involved and we don't have to watch this clueless dope play anymore. Until then, bring back Dirk Minniefield!

Quote of the Night - "This is getting atrocious!" - Tommy Heinsohn

Wednesday, January 12, 2005


Doc Rivers - Steering the Death Ship

Face it gang, Doc is part of the problem. Granted, he’s probably the best guy we could have hired, but he’s made some big strategic blunders on the court and has really made a mess of the Pierce situation. Don’t get me wrong, I think Pierce has played terribly this year, but Doc has turned it into a nasty, personal battle that has developed into a toxic environment for a team full of young, impressionable (and hugely important) rookies.

It’s all pretty weird, because when Doc was hired, we all heard about how he was a great “player’s coach” and would be a welcome change from Pitino ego-ism, OBrien star-fucking, and John Carroll ineptness. He in fact went out of his way to promote that image. When introduced to the press after being hired by the Celtics, Doc made a big point of saying how he didn’t believe in talking about players to the press. To quote directly, he said: “I have one motto with my staff is we talk to the players and not about them.” (sic)

Unfortunately, Doc has done little BUT talk to the press about his players. He made it explicitly clear from the beginning of his tenure that he doesn’t like Marcus Banks, and now that he’s stuck with him until Delonte comes back, he still lobs out critiques of Banks’ play during the (Dunkin Donuts) post-game interviews. That I happen to agree with him 100% is irrelevant – ripping on one of your guys to the media, regardless of how much of a dimwit he is, doesn’t really seem to be the way to foster trust amongst your players.

Furthermore, Doc has made confusing and contradictory assessments of the team’s problems throughout the season. When they weren’t moving the ball he bitched about how they were selfish on offense. Then they move the ball and he decides that “no one on this team plays if they don’t play defense.” Then you get his blanket criticism of the starting five after the Chicago game even though it was pretty clear that Blount and Pierce were the problems. I can’t blame Raef LaFrentz for being pissed off at being included in the blame when all he was doing was pulling down as many rebounds as he could while Mark Blount flailed away helplessly next to him.

Also, and this one really pisses me off, but what kind of winning coach gives Walter McCarty more minutes than Jefferson, Perkins and even Gugliotta? He DNP’d old Waltah on Monday, so perhaps it’s a start of something good, but it’s hard to understand why it took him so long to put any faith in Perkins’ abilities, particularly when he provides exactly what we’ve been lacking – rebounding.

Finally, it doesn’t take a cynic to find it hilarious when they send Tommy Heinsohn in to mop up the mess with pre-game “interviews” where he lauds Doc’s work and asks him with breathless wonder, “how much can you teach these guys in a single season?” Tommy Gun is an old-pro at spinning it for the home team, and you can tell he genuinely likes Doc and wants him to succeed. But remember, Tommy is the guy who said that John Carroll’s idiocy was the result of trying to “break the habits of the old regime,” who every year claims that “these Celtics just exchanged phone numbers last week” and who is paid handsomely to make the best of the annual shit-sandwich handed to him by Celtics brass.

I should sum all of this up in a nice closing paragraph, but I don’t really feel like it. I guess I’m just saying that as much as I like Doc, he’s been far from perfect, and there have been some disturbing inconsistencies in his public statements and on-the-court actions. Anyone think otherwise?


What a DICK!

Paul Pierce has officially made the leap. No, not the one predicted by many – the leap to superstardom (he was so close).

Paul Pierce just officially made the leap from disgruntled basketball player to egotistical “star” whose game does not match his attitude and whose persona now represents all that is wrong with the modern athlete.

``An All-Star gets sat down?”

Are you fucking kidding me? Hey dick, put aside the fact that, as team captain, such words and actions are inexcusable. Lets look at your self-evaluation – YOU ARE NOT CLOSE TO BEING AN ALL-STAR (see below).

Boston. We hold our players up to high standards. We booed the greatest hitter ever. Recently, we booed arguably the most dominant pitcher in the history of our team, and perhaps the history of the game. We reacted with general indifference when the most popular professional athlete in a generation was traded. We tried to ruin the life of a hard-working first baseman after a ball went through his legs when the game was already tied.

Not one of these guys has shown the disrespect Paul Pierce has recently shown. Now, he MUST be shown the door.

Monday, January 10, 2005


Pierce Must Go, Part 1 of, well, until he goes

Let me first get this out of the way – Paul Pierce is an excellent rebounder, an above average passer, and, in general, a hungry player who wants to win.

Paul Pierce is also a terrible shooting, turnover prone, arguing with the refs, slacking off on D, sulking “star” that impedes the development of a young and talented Celtic’s team. His dramatic drop-off in play and attitude over the past three years belies the star treatment he is accustomed to by the Boston media and fans.

Paul Pierce is not a star. Paul Pierce is a passably good NBA player.

Paul Pierce must go.

I had been a Pierce fan since he improbably landed in Pitino’s lap as the 10th pick in the 1998 draft. Interestingly enough, looking back at that draft, Pierce is the only player in the top 10 still with the team that drafted him. I fondly recall the stories of a jilted Pierce screaming out the names of those who went before him in the draft as he knocked down jumpers in practice. He vowed to prove them wrong, and he did.

He improved each of his first four years, culminating in a tremendous 26.1 point, 6.9 rebound, 3.2 assist 2001-02 season. He shot 44% from the field and 40% from three, and he averaged less than 3 turnovers a game. He was a fiery catalyst for the Celtic run through the playoffs.

Fast forward two years later, Pierce’s shooting dropped to 40% from the field, and 29.9% from three. He averaged 3.8 turnovers a game. He forced bad shots, he missed contested shots, he missed uncontested shots, he made bad passes, he argued with the refs, he rarely got back on D, and most of all, he sulked. After four straight improving years, Pierce’s play has steadily deteriorated for two and a half. If the bell curve of his career continues, tougher times are ahead.

Pierce has been well schooled in media relations. For the most part, he says all the right things, flashes a smile, and acts like a leader. On the court, though, in the middle of the action when the list of leadership clichés is not running through his head, Pierce’s demeanor is telling. He sulks, he whines and he’s angry. My favorite of the current C’s commercials, those with the highlights and dramatic music, has Pierce catching a ref as he is about to fall. Notice his face, in this ‘light’ moment, Paul looks pissed, and the camera cuts away as if the next moment he drops him. That sums it up.

Talent washes away attitude all too often in todays sports (Moss for instance). What happens when the talent no longer can accuse the attitude? That player is moved. We have reached that time with Paul Pierce.


Celtics Doom - the beginning

Welcome to CelticsDoom, the official blog for disgruntled Boston Celtics fans of the Ainge-era. The blog is run by exiled poster PierceOverrated and will include contributions by disgraced physician/tropical fish expert/Celtics fan Dr. A. Chestnutt, MD.

For those who are curious, the Dr. and PierceOverrated first met and forged this blog partnership when PO was banished from the Celticsblog site and the Dr. discovered that he was unable to post because he and PO shared a common IP address. The Dr. performed an extensive search of his medical facility and discovered that the surly exile PierceOverrated was employed by the Hospital in a mid-level bureaucratic capacity. The two engaged in an lengthy, spirited conversation regarding the Dr.'s anger at being "fucked over" by PO's angry posts. Threats were exchanged, but eventually common ground discovered when both spat to the floor at the mere mention of the name "Marcus Banks."

Both of these longtime fans agreed that the time has come for a no-holds barred autopsy of the death of the Celtics dream, 2004-2005. In that spirit, be assured that this blog will not shy from heavy-duty criticism and second guessing. The Celtics are derailed and broken, and we are not in the mood to eat shit and call it candy. CelticsDoom is here. Join us for the funeral.

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