Friday, January 28, 2005


Tools of the Trade

Lots to talk about with all the trade rumors, but first of all a big welcome back to PO and an apology to our readers for the lack of updates over the past couple days – I have been murderously busy dealing with those cretinous fucks at the AMA and PO has been sick.
Anyway, here’s a player-by-player look at the major names we’ve been hearing in trade talks with a prediction for their eventual fates.

Ricky Davis – that his name is being included in all these trade rumors seems to indicate that there must be off-the-court bullshit driving the decision to move him. Frankly, he’s done absolutely everything he’s been asked to do on the court and has probably been the most consistent Celtic at moving the ball and hitting open shots. Poor Buckets, he must be an absolute asshole who keeps the young guys out all night at the club, because on the court this guy is devastating.

Doom Prediction – He’ll be included with expiring contracts in the ONE big-ish trade the team pulls off (w/ Minnesota or the Clippers). Our second unit will crumble into dust and for the first time in his career Ricky Davis will be cheered by the home fans when he comes back into town with his new team.

Marcus Banks – the sooner he’s moved the better, and I think all but the most stubborn “we can’t give up on him like we did on Chauncey” fans are going to agree it has to be done. First of all, there is no comparison between Banks and Billups: Chauncey had ONE problem as a rookie – he left his feet too much without knowing whether to shoot or pass. He was solid otherwise, had a great jump shot, was a decent rebounder for his size and made good decisions in the half-court set. The only reason he was moved is because Rick Pitino is a complete fuckhead who thought a veteran point-guard (on the decline) would turn his ramshackle batch of UK alumni and NBA bottom-feeders into the ‘87 Providence Friars. Banks, on the other hand, is a shoot-first, me-first, out of control prima donna who is prone to pouting and pissing off his teammates. Even his assists seem like labored attempts to get another statistic – there is none of the innate rhythm and flow in his passing game that even non-point guards like Pierce and Ricky seem to possess. Get over it people, the guy is a bust.

Doom Prediction – to the Lakers in the next two weeks where he will have a few monster games but ultimately erode away into a career back-up.

LaFrentz – virtually unmovable contract, so there’s really no way he goes unless it’s a big one with either Ricky or Pierce involved. However, I’ll say it now even though few agree with me – trading Raef would be a big mistake. This guy is a solid veteran who’s great in the locker room and very good at accepting whatever role is given to him on the team. Yes, he will eventually be supplanted by Big Al, but we still need what he gives us whether it’s off the bench or for 32 minutes a night. And as one of Pierce’s few real friends on the team, it’s all the more important to keep him around if Danny doesn’t pull the whole house down. His contract sucks, but guess what, there’s no one out there next year that we need or want or have a chance at signing.

Doom Prediction – survives the trading deadline.

Walter McCarty – My God, why can’t this have already happened? If I never have children my only hope for a legacy is the local “I hate Waltah” chapter I founded in 1997 in a valiant effort to remove the stain of this worthless Pitino-detritus from Celtics history. Please don’t let me go down as a failure, Lord, let him be moved for a second round pick to a Western Conference team that I only have to watch twice a year.

Doom Prediction – God proves his disdain for Dr. Chestnutt and Waltah stays, eventually moving into the starting lineup and signing a 10-year extension in the off-season.

Gary Payton – Obviously he’s gone, it’s only a matter of when, where and who with. Look for a package of him, Davis and Stewart’s contract to Minnesota or the Clippers, or a solo trade to Dallas or Golden State. No one is giving up much more than a late first-rounder for GP, and even then I’d be surprised. Too bad, he made the best of a bad situation and really seemed to genuinely want to help this team. Celtics fans should remember GP warmly.

Doom Prediction – Traded to Golden State for a conditional first-rounder.

Mark Blount – the big question is how much Danny will sacrifice to make up for a mistake he could have easily avoided by simply not re-signing this dumb fuck. Blount’s only real vocal supporter in the league is Jim O’Brien, and every Celtic fan lusts for a trade that gives us Dalembert, and let’s OB have an orgasm every night while raving about Blount’s defensive rotations. It’s not going to happen, however, and here’s why – OB is on shaky ground in Philly. He has managed to piss off his players, confound management and lose, all at the same time. No way in hell Billy King coughs up one of the most promising young big men in the league for a dimwit stiff with a poisonous contract just to make their failing coach happier about his defensive sets.

Doom Prediction – sadly, this dipshit remains.

Pierce – The toughest one to figure out. He’s been very good lately, but as with Ricky there seems to be intangible shit going on that makes Danny want to move him. Doc clearly hates him, Ainge is nowhere near as vehement in his defense of him as he was last year, and Wyc seems to be the only person cheering him at home games anymore. While it’s become clear this year that Paul’s not made for a running game, I think this idea that we’ll be running all season (particularly in the playoffs) is a pipe dream, and at some point we’ll need a guy who’s used to grinding it out in the half court. If the guy could simply get back to hitting open jump shots like he did up until 2002, I wouldn’t trade him for anything. Unfortunately his inconsistency and attitude have put a big target on his back, but I don’t see any one or two players we could get for him that would magically put us in contention. So basically we’re fucked – with or without Pierce we’re looking at a five-year plan.

Doom Prediction – traded over the summer for picks and cap room.

As always, we welcome yr comments and disagreements.

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