Saturday, March 31, 2007
Are you smarter than Paul Pierce?
Fresh dispatch from putative television comedy writer and CelticsDoom intern George Meyer! George writes:
“Chesty, Ran afoul of the thought police in the form of Bob ‘Opus’ Day and Roy Hobs, two surly thugs who trample on free expression like so many drunken elephants on a highway of frozen rum (sic). As a fellow Californian, I implore you to stop setting staring at the fires in the Hollywood Hills and get back to the task at hand – writing Celtics articles that cite German cinema and over-labored philosophy, and leave the God-hawking to the pee-brains.”
I think it’s actually “pea” brains George, but we get the message. As for Celticsblog, we remain friends and supporters, but we fear for the health of Jeff’s stat counter should these overzealous actors continue to front the franchise. Lighten up gents, no one’s getting rich off this work.
But onto the important stuff. A new feature we like to call, “How Stupid is Paul Pierce?"
We were going to use our connections in the entertainment industry to set up a “are you smarter than a fifth grader” appearance for the Captain, but no sooner had we stalked out super-producer Mark Burnett at the local Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, than did Bob Day’s God gift us with this Ghastly Idiocy.
To recap: Paul Pierce suffers through an injury-filled stinker of a season that engenders a lifetime of sympathy and “see we can’t win without him”-isms from gullible Celtics fans, but then,“pee” brain that he is, he destroys this goodwill in an embarrassing interview with Jackie Mac wherein he refers to himself as a “great player” no less than three separate times, and plays the victim for accepting a huge cap-crippling extension, apparently at knife point. For those of us who have spent many years parsing Globe articles to count the number of times The Captain refers to himself as a “veteran all-star,” this was the most concrete evidence yet in the case of “Paul Pierce – ‘I am my own best friend.’”
First of all, the age old debate, is Pierce a “great player”? Of course not. He has made one all-NBA third team and has never been considered the best player at his position, even in his own conference. Kobe is a “great” player, Kidd is a “great” player, LeBron is a “great” player. Ray Allen, Vince Carter and Paul Pierce are not.
Pierce is an over-extended cog in a poorly built machine, a fool who in his heart knows he will never set foot on the moon, but goes around wearing a home made space suit with “NASA” written on the back in crayon. “Where’d you get that thing?” someone might ask. Pierce would answer, “the government gave it to me because I’m such a great astronaut.”
Old news, of course, but now the Captain has thrown his young teammates under the bus as a means of further embellshing his talent and abilities. Is there need for a discussion about why the man entrusted with the captaincy shouldn’t go around endorsing a trade of the guys he's supposed to be leading? Particularly when the only one of these guys anyone wants is a dim-witted manchild who underwent such a dramatic transformation (for the better, thankfully) when he learned he was inches away from being shipped out with a bag of cash for Allen Iverson? Put said man-child's name back in the rumor mill and he might literally turn into a pumpkin.
It’s just poor form. It’s stupid and it’s selfish and Pierce does nothing but hurt his image by airing his “no shit this team sucks” laundry to the newspapers. Would Paul have been so forthcoming had Jackie Mac asked him why such a “great player” melted down in the Pacers playoff series? Or why he routinely jacks up terrible shots and makes stupid turnovers during crucial stretches of winnable games?
For all of Pierce’s bitching and whining, he’s had a fairly easy pass in a town that’s known for hating its heroes. He makes around a quarter of the team’s payroll, he is the face of the franchise, and he plays in a system that gives him his points and all-star stats. Most importantly, he gets to lose more games than he wins and blame the whole thing on the two GM’s, four coaches and dozens of teammates he has played for as a Celtic. He catches heat now and then, but for the most part he is held remarkably blameless by the legitimate media.
By mouthing off about how much his largely self-created situation "sucks," however, he invites the unfavorable comparison to past Celtics players who presided over teams that did not shame the franchise in the way his have. While yes, we've learned that a Pierce-less team is almost unimaginably bad, we also know that a Pierce-led team is by default, mediocre. No matter how much he wants to pretend otherwise, that is Paul Pierce's legacy. That is the Truth.
“Chesty, Ran afoul of the thought police in the form of Bob ‘Opus’ Day and Roy Hobs, two surly thugs who trample on free expression like so many drunken elephants on a highway of frozen rum (sic). As a fellow Californian, I implore you to stop setting staring at the fires in the Hollywood Hills and get back to the task at hand – writing Celtics articles that cite German cinema and over-labored philosophy, and leave the God-hawking to the pee-brains.”
I think it’s actually “pea” brains George, but we get the message. As for Celticsblog, we remain friends and supporters, but we fear for the health of Jeff’s stat counter should these overzealous actors continue to front the franchise. Lighten up gents, no one’s getting rich off this work.
But onto the important stuff. A new feature we like to call, “How Stupid is Paul Pierce?"
We were going to use our connections in the entertainment industry to set up a “are you smarter than a fifth grader” appearance for the Captain, but no sooner had we stalked out super-producer Mark Burnett at the local Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, than did Bob Day’s God gift us with this Ghastly Idiocy.
To recap: Paul Pierce suffers through an injury-filled stinker of a season that engenders a lifetime of sympathy and “see we can’t win without him”-isms from gullible Celtics fans, but then,“pee” brain that he is, he destroys this goodwill in an embarrassing interview with Jackie Mac wherein he refers to himself as a “great player” no less than three separate times, and plays the victim for accepting a huge cap-crippling extension, apparently at knife point. For those of us who have spent many years parsing Globe articles to count the number of times The Captain refers to himself as a “veteran all-star,” this was the most concrete evidence yet in the case of “Paul Pierce – ‘I am my own best friend.’”
First of all, the age old debate, is Pierce a “great player”? Of course not. He has made one all-NBA third team and has never been considered the best player at his position, even in his own conference. Kobe is a “great” player, Kidd is a “great” player, LeBron is a “great” player. Ray Allen, Vince Carter and Paul Pierce are not.
Pierce is an over-extended cog in a poorly built machine, a fool who in his heart knows he will never set foot on the moon, but goes around wearing a home made space suit with “NASA” written on the back in crayon. “Where’d you get that thing?” someone might ask. Pierce would answer, “the government gave it to me because I’m such a great astronaut.”
Old news, of course, but now the Captain has thrown his young teammates under the bus as a means of further embellshing his talent and abilities. Is there need for a discussion about why the man entrusted with the captaincy shouldn’t go around endorsing a trade of the guys he's supposed to be leading? Particularly when the only one of these guys anyone wants is a dim-witted manchild who underwent such a dramatic transformation (for the better, thankfully) when he learned he was inches away from being shipped out with a bag of cash for Allen Iverson? Put said man-child's name back in the rumor mill and he might literally turn into a pumpkin.
It’s just poor form. It’s stupid and it’s selfish and Pierce does nothing but hurt his image by airing his “no shit this team sucks” laundry to the newspapers. Would Paul have been so forthcoming had Jackie Mac asked him why such a “great player” melted down in the Pacers playoff series? Or why he routinely jacks up terrible shots and makes stupid turnovers during crucial stretches of winnable games?
For all of Pierce’s bitching and whining, he’s had a fairly easy pass in a town that’s known for hating its heroes. He makes around a quarter of the team’s payroll, he is the face of the franchise, and he plays in a system that gives him his points and all-star stats. Most importantly, he gets to lose more games than he wins and blame the whole thing on the two GM’s, four coaches and dozens of teammates he has played for as a Celtic. He catches heat now and then, but for the most part he is held remarkably blameless by the legitimate media.
By mouthing off about how much his largely self-created situation "sucks," however, he invites the unfavorable comparison to past Celtics players who presided over teams that did not shame the franchise in the way his have. While yes, we've learned that a Pierce-less team is almost unimaginably bad, we also know that a Pierce-led team is by default, mediocre. No matter how much he wants to pretend otherwise, that is Paul Pierce's legacy. That is the Truth.
Labels: God-hawking, homemade space suits, Opus Dei
# posted by Dr. Chestnutt @ 8:08 PM 
