Thursday, March 16, 2006


You're So Heat

A strange game wherein the Celtics spent one half of the contest playing near perfect basketball, and one half being crushed by a tide of talent and intensity they could never hope to match. Boston at one point held a 25 point lead and only lost by 3, but in many ways the game seemed lost from the start, as if they were never really in it.

It started off well enough with the Celtics working as a finely tuned machine, running at every opportunity and moving the ball on offense, culminating in the strange statistic of scoring 63 points in the half while still committing three 24 second violations. Pierce's shot was impossibly soft and true, Wally was solid, and at one point they were up 25 points. The second half found the Heat turning up their defensive intensity and waking up Dwyane Wade, and this proved more than enough to dismantle our mentally delicate Boston squad. Pierce went something like 3-12 over this period, while Wade made a series of insane drives and monster 3 point plays that defined the term, "momentum killer." And then Brian Scalabrine came in the game...

So basically the Celtics disintegrated under the first hint of pressure, and the Heat won the all-important poise-battle. It ended up kinda close, Pierce hit an insane three pointer to get it within one, but the Heat hit their free throws and a last second shot by all-time #1 option Orien Greene clanged off the rim, disappointing the 26 or so Celtic fans not watching the NCAA tournament. Like I said, in some ways we were never really in it.

On the player side of things Wally had by far his best game as a Celtic, scoring 30 points, shooting very well and generally making one feel optimistic about his role as second option. CudDelonte had his best game since coming back from his groin injury, but he made a couple horrible decisions late in the game that even prompted the corporate zombie known as Steve Kerr to ask the tough questions. Gomes returned to our good graces with a manly effort, Pierce was monstrous and then not, Jefferson was dismal, Perk got schooled by Shaq.

Not a horrible loss, but not one that would make you change your opinion about this team if your opinion to begin with was that they are not particularly good. But at least we didn't have to listen to Heinsohn.

Player of the Game - Dwyane Wade. Yes, the predictable choice, but he chopped the Celtics apart like cheap flank steak in the second half and hit all his free throws to the tune of the home crowd chanting "MVP, MVP." In other words, a man excelling at his profession while still in the bloom of youth, reveling in the many freedoms afforded by great wealth and fame. He tithes 10% of all his earnings, apparently, which is totally old school (like, 5th century style) and fascinates me to no end. Make CelticsDoom yr new religion Dwyane, we could use the cash.

Hamcock - Al Jefferson. Well, it's getting to the point I think where we should shut down Raef and just run Al out there every night until he learns how to play basketball. He's such a fuck-up sometimes, and tonight was one of those nights where even his post moves abandoned him, and he threw up some embarrassing nonsense against Shaq and the lamentable idiot called Alonzo Mourning. Speaking of Alonzo, he and Wally are front runners for making the CelticsDoom "All Way-Too Intense Team" 2006. But that's for later.

Quote of the Night - "Shaquille O'Neal blows the slam!" Marv Albert. Title of an NBA-themed gay porn movie, or Marv Albert dialing it up to MAX on the intensity meter a mere minute into the game? Just the latter, but on the topic of the broadcast, I find it surprising that as the national cable home of the NBA the best TNT can trot out is the utterly chemistry free tandem of Marv Albert and Steve "I'm A Boring Fuc" Kerr. Sounding like they just made each other's acquaintance waiting in the line to the men's room, they provided almost zero insight throughout a generally bumpy call. Meanwhile, the embalmed remains of Craig Sager roamed the floor with a ghastly toupee and dead man's clothes, seeking, I would imagine, the blood of the living and copy for his in-game voice overs. Greg Dickerson, look upon thy future and weep.

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