Thursday, February 23, 2006


Just like the Utah game only much, much different

Quantum mechanics teaches us that there are no true certainties, only raw probability amidst the governance of chance, but no one with a brain in their head could have thought of tonight's final result was anything other than a fait accompli. Granted, the Celtics played quite a bit harder than expected and the Suns fucked around a little less efficiently than one would have presumed, but for all the relentless broadcast hype to the contrary, this one was really never in doubt. The Celtics got behind early, see-sawed throughout the game, and went down swinging in a not-as-close-as-it-looked final two minutes.

The Suns were dominant, but not frighteningly so, as Steve Nash had probably his worst game of the season and the whole Suns team played something that looked like defense but wasn't quite. The Celtics were game in trying to play spoiler, but under the best of circumstances we'd be fucked, and not having the services of Perk, Al and Wally SzczDamagedGoods didn't help. So it was a cutesy character building loss that will occupy its own mantle in the large collection of fools gold many Celtics fans keep tucked away inside their big imaginative hearts.

On the player side of things, the most interesting development was Gerald Green playing some meaningful minutes and actually rising to the challenge. He ended up with 15 points and, outside of the fact that he has yet to grasp the concept of moving without the ball, he looked much more confident and NBA ready than he ever has before. Look for Doc to bench him from here on in. The other big story was that Delonte West had a career night with 30 points, three of which were owed to a sick half-court buzzer-beater at the end of the 3rd. Tony Allen was alternately horrific and decent. Raef was solid, Pierce sucked in the 2nd half, and Ryan Gomes continued his steady play.

To sum it up - no surprises in the big picture, but not the worst loss one could imagine. I'm really fucking tired, so on to the awards.

Player of the Game - Shawn Marion. Last time he won this, we discussed his stupid sneaker commercial, but tonight the Matrix really deserved our highest "honor" by surpassing his somewhat surprisingly low career high of 41 points with 44. Two summers ago this dude was in every trade rumor you'd hear (including for our own rumor mill grist Paul Pierce), now serving as Steve Nash's primary bullseye, he is a top 15 talent. Just goes to show what an impact player can do vs. an overrated yet productive wing player. Sorry, sorry, sorry, what I meant to say was that perhaps in today's era of vastly lowered expectations, CelticsDoom should get on the bus and compare Bird/Dominique 1988 to Delonte/Marion 2006. Yeah! Best shootout ever!

Hamcock - Brian Scalabrine. This one was primarily for the sequence in the 2nd quarter when he bricked a 20 ft jumpshot, got the long rebound and immediately bricked another. Classic Scalaburine - one for the time capsule. Granted, he had a nice hustle move in the 4th, going to the floor to maintain possession, but there really can be no question that this useless dick does far more harm than good while on the floor. With an impending rotational trainwreck ahead whenever Doc tries to reintegrate Al and Perk, watch for this fuckhead to get all the minutes instead of the vastly more deserving Ryan Gomes. It just belies all rational explanation the grip this guy has on his position.

Quote of the Night - "JoJo's done just an admirable job," Tommy Heinsohn via telephone. After the disastrous Cedric Maxwell experiment from earlier in the season, it seems the well has run dry of former Celtic stars willing to beat the broadcast drum and play nice-nice with Gorman when Heinsohn takes ill. Fortunately, at least for the dozens left who give a fuck about the Celtics and are over the age of 40, JoJo White was available to grace us all with his utterly humorless analysis. It has become clear why the former Finals MVP has lingered on the Celtics payroll in some vague capacity for all these years - JoJo has the sound of a man you just do not fuck with. Unlike Tommy whose bullying demeanor ultimately comes off as so much hot air, JoJo gives the scary impression that his thoughts are well considered and deadly serious when he utters such dangerous nonsense as "this reminds me of last night's game against Utah" and "the Celtics can win this game." In short, he is a terrifyingly intense company man, and when one considers that Mark Blount counted JoJo among his only friends in the organization, it paints a grim picture of a wild-card true believer running amok behind the scenes with a fake title and loads of free time. That, my friends, is how professional grade Kool-Aid is made.

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