Friday, December 02, 2005


There is someone dumber than Doc Rivers

A disgraceful, and completely avoidable loss. The Bulls came into this thing with what appeared to be an indifferent attitude towards the game of basketball, allowing the Celtics to come back from a couple big deficits and even take a six point lead at one point in the fourth quarter. Pierce had arguably one of the ten best games of his career and the Celtics played decently for stretches, but completely inept coaching from Doc Rivers and Tony Brown doomed the cause.

The problem was largely rebounding. We got completely killed on the boards (47-34) because those two morons refused to put rebounders in the game. In the fourth quarter, Brown chose the "go small" stupidity, leaving one big man on the floor, and of course it was the one who happens to be incapable of rebounding. So again, instead of Perk or LaFrentz or Big Al, we had Blount getting the minutes at crunch time. The big imbecile even had a clutch offensive rebound at one point, but got the ball immediately stolen out of his useless hands, resulting in one of several "CelticsDoom Tittyfuck sponsored Hamcocks" he earned this evening. He ended up with a classic Blount line that is something of a Rorschach test for Celtics fans - 14/7 (Kool-Aide'rs say "yay!") with 4 turnovers and all the "tough" defense one foul provides (CelticsDoom'ers say "fuck him!").

In other player related news, Perk came rushing back to earth with an 8/1 evening in 18 minutes, but he played decent and probably would have had better numbers if that fucking idiot assistant coach had played him at all in the fourth quarter. Big Al, same deal. Another brutal coaching decision was to let Orien Greene play all the backup minutes at point guard even though the team struggled harshly with him running the show, largely because he seems so afraid of shooting the ball that the defenses are able to lay off him and clog up the middle. I'm sure Danny spends nights breathing into a paper bag when he realizes that he torched Banks to keep this guy.

But, the most important event of the evening was the very first Hamcock point handed out by this blog. It happened at 6:08 in the first quarter when Ricky committed his second foul and Doc replaced him with NOT Gomes, NOT Reed, NOT with Dickau, NOT even with Gerald Green, but with Brian Scalaburine! In the following three minutes we fell behind seven points. Give that man his Hamcock! Doc of course was later ejected from the game, (sadly, not for stupidity), and the Celtics went on a run. Come on Doc, you can't get Hamcock's from the locker room!

Player of the Game - Paul Pierce. This is most unusual, I know, but Pierce was incredible and for the first time in several years I felt really, really bad for him. He put up 43 points on 12-21, pulled down 11 rebounds and had 5 assists, while his coaching staff betrayed him by basically handing the game over. He had one defensive fuck up where he was chatting with the ref while the Bulls got the ball up the court and someone made a shot in his face, but we'll pretend theat never happened. Deng, who is my favorite young player in the league, had a sick game for the Bulls, but Pierce deserved a win tonight.

Worst Celtic of the Game - Tony Brown. The Hamcock Award is presented to our assistant coach for the most inept Celtic coaching performance put forth this decade by someone not named Rivers or Carroll. His substitutions and lineups at the end of the game were disgraceful. Steve Bulpett of the Herald was talking before the game and said how the worst part of the Orlando loss was that there was no benefit for the young players. As in, the Celtics lost and didn't even have their future on the floor learning what it takes to play in close games. That goes double for tonight. There is NO reason why Perk or Jefferson shouldn't have been on the floor instead of Blount. Terrible, terrible job all around.

Quote of the Night - "Now that's a Tittypoint!" Me. I yelled this several times at the television in an effort to fully inaugurate the Hamcock Award. Nice night for it, there were a lot to go around. Remember, Tittypoints and Hamcocks are handed out for extra-stupidity, laziness, and going above and beyond when disappointing Celtics viewers. "All red-heads named Scalaburine automatically get a Tittypoint!" (thanks again Tittyfuck, you have created a monster)

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