Friday, December 16, 2005


The Milwaukee Bucks and the Boston Fu-ks

A fucked up loss, and another in the continuing series of briefs filed in the case of CelticsDoom vs. Doc Rivers. In what could only be called a truly weird game, the Celtics opened up like the 87 Lakers, turned ice cold in the 2nd quarter, and played wild, schizophrenic basketball for the entire 2nd half, letting the game slip through their fingers (literally, with costly turnovers) after making a great comeback.

Need further examples of why this was a weird game? 1) The Celtics had a 27 point swing in the first half where they went from being up 10 to down 17. Then in the 3rd, down 13 and looked defeated, they suddenly ran off 8 points in the last two minutes. 2) Raef LaFrentz, who at this point couldn't hit his wife if she was tied to a chair, nailed an off-balance, buzzer beating 3 pointer at the end of the 3rd quarter that got the Celtics within 5 points. 3) Marcus Banks entered the game to the kind of applause usually reserved for retired heads of state, not mediocre 1st round picks who can't beat out Delonte West, the corpse of Gary Payton or Mike James for a starting role on a point-guard starved Celtics squad.

So anyway, it was a tough game to evaluate because the Celtics were all over the fucking map, but clearly turnovers, vacillating degrees of intensity, a lack of movement on offense, and inept coaching were the difference.

Ah yes, the inept coaching. Tonight, the following items were entered into evidence in our ongoing crusade - 1) Doc played Ricky 14 consecutive minutes to start the game, and fittingly Ricky looked VERY TIRED. The meltdown in the 2nd quarter started with Ricky's inability to get anything going offensively with the 2nd unit, and it just snowballed from there. 2) Kendrick Perkins had a great game for the 19 minutes he played. 6 points, 9 rebounds, 5 blocks, and lots of controlled energy. Doc yanked him with 5 minutes left in the 3rd quarter and HE NEVER RETURNED. Well, he kind of did with 13 seconds left to watch TJ Ford hit two free throws, but that doesn't really count. It was fucking unreal. 3) Down 8 (I think) with like four minutes left in the game, Doc again "Went Small" and put a lineup of Pierce, Blount, West, Banks and RickyD. A short while later, he took out Blount and put in Dickau, who promptly gave up an offensive rebound and put-back by Jiri Welsch. The word "aghast" doesn't properly convey the depth of this reporter's reaction to these "coaching decisions."

The biggest subplot of the game was the aforementioned return of Marcus Banks, who looked like an amped-up version of his usual self, which in these dire times automatically made him the second best point guard on the team. He did some great things on defense and made a couple sick drives, but also did some godawful things like turning the ball over with a truly stupid pass and taking some bad, rushed shots. My prediction is he'll command about 3.5 per on the open market, which means we'll need to lock him up with the full mid-level as penance for 2 years of abuse by Doc Rivers. Nope, things ain't looking up...

Player of the Game - Michael Redd. I'm not sold on him as a max contract guy, but when he's good he's very good, and tonight he iced us down during their big run in the 2nd quarter and overall scared Celtics fans every time he shot the ball.

Hamcock - Orien Greene. One could make the argument for Ricky, Al, or Raef, but I'm giving it to Orien because yet again the offense completely fell apart when he was on the floor. After seeing Marcus play with surprising effectiveness after missing 21 games, our man OG will probably spend the rest of the night trying to remember if its "NBDL" or "NDBL." Either way, he'll be amongst his peers.

Quote of the Night - "I'm glad that Perk isn't hugging anyone" Mike Gorman. This comment came right before tip off as the camera lingered Mark Blount and Michael Redd hugging, swaying and speaking into each other's ears in a way that one rarely sees outside of a drunken high school prom scenario. It was like Brokeback Mountain for the urban sports set, and I imagine people in the stands were covering their children's eyes and making fake cell phone calls, just so they wouldn't have to watch. And hopefully for the first time in his life, Lucky knew what it was like to feel embarrassment because of the actions of someone other than himself.

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